Trust and the Super-Hype Fashionable Dog-Handler Relationship!! part 1.

Building trust with your dog is like starting a fashion trend – it’s stylish, essential, and a bit complex! 💫 Here’s my first post in the #InDepth, based on your feedback. This topic was the clear winner with 241 likes, so it had to kick off the series 🥰


I never imagined that such an important, broad, and... fluid topic would be first. To me, building a dog's trust in its handler is very complicated, and unfortunately, it's influenced by things that are difficult to verbalize. I’ve been thinking for a while about how to approach this topic, which won the vote for January’s #InDepth post. I’m still not sure if I’ll meet your expectations... 🤔


So, what is trust and bond to me? It’s something that can’t be built by training alone. It’s something you have to earn! For me, building a bond is a PROCESS. I don’t know of any five exercises that will instantly improve your relationship.


Often, building trust involves stepping OUTSIDE the box. Yes, I’ll give you some tips soon, but I still believe that you must work for it, often in your own way.


You need to be aware that your overall behavior towards your dog shapes their view of you as a leader, companion, friend, etc. That’s one of the tips I want to share, but more on that in a moment.


I don’t know if you’re aware, but the quality of your relationship with your dog will eventually show, sooner or later. Bond is NOT directly proportional to how many sausages you give, kind words you say, or toys you toss. Even competing in sports or working in distractions isn't necessarily an indicator of a good relationship (for example, for a dog with strong drives, just entering a frisbee competition might not be challenging).


Just for fun, I checked Wikipedia’s definition of "trust":
Trust is the belief or confidence that the actions, future state, or properties of an object will align with our wishes... In human relationships, trust often refers to honesty towards us. Trust can, but doesn’t always, need to be reciprocated; it’s one of the fundamental human bonds in families and social groups and is particularly valuable in crisis situations.


I particularly like the part: "it’s especially valuable in crisis situations.” Yes, you can really see a lot in those moments!


As you’ve probably noticed, there’s a trend in "building bonds", "strengthening relationships," and other such wonders. Methods are multiplying, and opinions are divided. Where do I stand? Somewhere in the middle! But this isn’t a post to analyze my opinion 😂


Alright, I could go on, but I promised to get to the point as befits the #InDepth.


So here are some tips and thoughts that come to mind when I think about building trust and bond with your dog:

1. Thoughtful Command Selection and Clear Definition


For recall, you need a cue that your dog can’t ignore. A “sacred word” and a clear definition of what that word means—because how can you explain the meaning of a word to your dog if you don’t understand it yourself? 🤔


Personally, I use a very distinctive, elongated name for recall—something I don’t use in everyday communication. You could, of course, choose a popular phrase like “come” or “here.” But once you choose, you must define what this cue means to you. For me, a correct recall means:


  • A quick turn towards the handler


  • A canter back towards the handler


  • Coming very close to the handler (within arm’s reach) and not wandering off


  • Maintaining focus on the handler and/or rewarding until a release command like "okay, go" or "okay, run" is given.


I differentiate recall from simply responding to their name. When I call a dog by name, I expect them to focus on me, make eye contact, and/or follow my direction, but they don’t necessarily have to immediately come to me. It’s also important that recall is a command that can't be “broken.” I only use it when I’m sure it will work, and I repeat it just once. A lack of response means the cue is “burned.” Some trainers say that after a single ignored recall, you should follow up with 15-30 perfect recalls to reinforce the behavior... so don’t tempt fate! 😅

2. I Can’t Control the Dog – I Control the Environment


I don’t like to pressure my dog excessively or put them in situations that are TOO DIFFICULT for them. I use the leash only when there’s a risk for the dog or other living beings. I prefer to adjust the environment and teach the dog that choosing me, regardless of distractions, will always pay off.


I’ve had dogs in my life who were very aggressive toward others (with bites on record), dogs who chased cars and bikes, dogs who loved other dogs, and dogs who were obsessively searching for food. It all came down to GRADUALLY increasing environmental difficulty. I apply pressure, I let my dogs know when I don’t like their behavior, but I’m fair with them and never put them in situations they can't handle.

3. I Don’t Expect Things from the Dog That I Haven’t Taught Them


At least, I try not to… and I always do a self-reflection 🤔


You need to know, I can’t stand when someone says, “My dog has a problem with food/dogs/distractions/retrieving/recall/etc.” Sorry, but it’s not the dog that has the problem, it’s YOU who do! You are your dog’s trainer and you taught them to ignore their name. You chose the breed, so if you're annoyed by your dog chasing cars, maybe a Border Collie wasn’t the best choice for you.

4. CONSISTENCY, Consistency, and Consistency!!!


Unfortunately, you have to be clear, understandable, and consistent. If you’re practicing loose-leash walking with your dog, they won’t understand that Wednesdays at 5 pm are the designated time for it, but Monday mornings at 6:30 am aren't. If you’re working on a retrieve, don’t take the toy away because you "need" to do an over-action with it. If they aren’t allowed to move from the crate or loose leash without a release command, then it’s ALWAYS a no-go without that cue! Don’t be afraid to show displeasure – dogs like CLEAR rules. When you're consistent and clear, you earn their trust 🤓 Also, remember to REWARD desired behaviors. Your dog deserves a good payout.

5. Beware of "Desensitization"


This might stir the pot a bit, but I’m very cautious with classical desensitization, which means "if your dog is scared of something, feed them treats." If the dog doesn’t like something – feed them. If they prefer a behavior you weren’t expecting – feed them for that. But if they’re AFRAID, if they’re terrified or shutting down, be careful with desensitization.


For example, giving treats while visiting the vet and cleaning anal glands... you never know what the dog will associate. Did they learn it’s fun because of the food, or did they learn not to trust your hand because they were distracted while you did something uncomfortable?